Resolutions

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The other night I found myself channel surfing, and flipping through pointless channel after channel. After awhile, I paused on QVC as I occasionally do when all the infomercials are lame, and there’s absolutely nothing on TV.

I watched it for a little bit, and the host, whose name I obviously don’t know, was talking about New Years, and she mentioned that “Everyone makes New Years Resolutions, even if they are unwilling to admit it”.

As far as I am concerned, that’s a load of zebra manure! I can’t speak for everyone, though apparently she can. However, I can speak for myself, and fact of the matter is; I do not make new years resolutions, in fact! I don’t celebrate New Years at all. I don’t watch the ball drop, I don’t run out at the stroke of midnight whooping and hollering like a madman. I don’t do anything like that.

Seriously though, what’s the point in celebrating? All a new year signifies is you are a little older, and that much closer to the grave. It also means a brand new year of increased taxes and price hikes and several disasters somewhere in the world.

So depressing.

Anyway, enough about me ranting, the point of this post was that I don’t make resolutions. Now, if the QVC host had said that everyone has made a resolution at some point in their life, then maybe! I did, when I was younger, make resolutions. Of course, to be fair, this was when I was 6 or 7. I am not even sure if they could really even be considered resolutions, since at that age, I didn’t fully grasp the point of resolutions. I used to think that a New Years resolution, was basically just a wish, that would come true. Kind of like when you blow the candle out on your birthday cake.

So, I ended up with resolutions of joining the Hall of Justice, and earning 100 dollars so I could be a millionaire, and of course the most important resolution of all: To join G.I. Joe. In fact, I even had a code name picked out for me. It was a truly kick-ass Codename that would rival even “Snake-Eyes“. My Codename; The Kid.

Clever huh? It suited me too, because at the time I was a kid. I don’t know what my specialty would have been, since clearly I didn’t think that far ahead.

Fortune Cookie predicton

So, yesterday to celebrate the “dawning of a new year”, I went out and picked up some chinese food. Nothing in particular, it was just a variety of things really. I got some Lo Mein and sweet and sour chicken. However, the main reason I got chinese was for some Cream Cheese Wontons! I fucking love those! Seriously, I think I could live exclusively on those little things.  I wonder if they sell frozen ones, and if so, I wonder if they are any good.

Anyway, that’s not really the point of the post! The point is, that like most Chinese Restaurant, they included some Fortune Cookies with the meal. So, after I finished up the dinner, I cracked open my fortune cookie to see what was in store for me this year. The fortune Cookie read, and I quote:

Good luck will fall into your lap, three months from this date.

Now, it sounds like a pretty kick-ass fortune right? That’s what I thought too! Turns out, it’s not as kick-ass as it seems! After a few minutes, it dawned on me, that three months from that date was April Fools day! What kind of ass-hattery/Tom Foolery/shenanigans were they doing there? What kind of mean joke was that? Early april fools gag. Pfft! For Shame Chinese Restaurant, for shame!!